Kicking the Approval Habit

One of the most insidious addictions we women struggle with is our craving for approval from others. When our need for validation gets in the way of our being who we truly are, we’re in trouble. Fueled by belief that we need their approval in order to be okay, we scurry around looking for “self”-esteem fixes from suppliers that are outside of ourselves. It doesn’t work.

Of course we all need people to appreciate us, but our primary source of approval needs to come from ourselves. The very best way to kick the approval habit is to support and approve of ourselves. This does not mean that we overlook our shortcomings or pat ourselves on the back for being nasty, but, in my many years of being a psychotherapist, I have seen very few people who err on the side of being too easy on themselves.

Authentic self-approval naturally leads to increased approval of others.

Malia attract friends like flowers attract bees. She is a heart-lifter; around her everyone feels better about themselves. She always seems to have a sincere word of praise for those4 around her.

But others are not the only recepients of her approval. She is also very self-confident and comfortable about bestowing accolades on herself. It’s not unusual for her, in an unaffected and honest way, to say something like, “ I am so proud of the way I handled that!” Asked if she had always been so kind to herself, she giggled, “Oh no! I used to be my own worst enemy, but I learned to be my own best friend instead!”

When we learn to accept who we are right now and celebrate who we are becoming, we can kick the approval habit and rely on ourselves for our best approval fixes.

I hope we can all say,
"I, WHOLEHEARTEDLY APPROVE OF MYSELF RIGHT NOW!
WHAT OTHERS THINK OF ME IS THEIR CHOICE!
WHAT I THINK OF ME IS MY CHOICE!
I EASILY APPROVE OF OTHERS!"

From Words of Courage & Confidence by Sue Patton Thoele